“The impersonal took an avatar for a few moments.”
Yes I am here!
Let me introduce myself. I am Prithvi. A good name for a girl where sanskritization is the trending fashion. My parents didn’t give me this name (I am not an orphan), but I got it much before all this craze started. He says I am 25years old. Please ask him how he arrived at that. He claims I am standing at the crossroads of youthfulness and maturity but for me it is the threshold of both. I am bold and beautiful (he calls me beauty and beast). Occasionally he and I agree on the usage of words, but rarely on meanings.
I remember the story of my daughter Renu. I am not married, didn’t have sex, but I have a daughter (it is slightly complicated, let’s forget it). I happened to read her diary some time ago. Her feelings and emotions were poured over there. Only a mother (that too like me) can understand it. This is also the story of my son Runal (the above mentioned rules apply here too). They were a nice couple (not incest definitely). They had nice friends, had all the fun. They went around, kissed, and even cuddled too. When I remember now, I am ok with it as they were comfortable in each other’s arms. They haven’t outgrown my lap. The old cliché says a child is always a child for the mother. I felt so happy seeing them together enjoying with a youthful purity. Let me copy a few words of her diary here. I add a few words in brackets so that you won’t misunderstand them
24th Oct, 2014: I met Runal, he is so cute. I enjoy his comments, talks. He is intelligent too.
27th Oct: Can we be a couple?
29th Oct, 2014: Runal proposed me on knees. I accepted that beautiful rose. I said I need time to think, but I was ready to say yes. I think it is too filmy, too fast. But he is good.
2nd Nov, 2014: I said yes to him and we had our first kiss. We decided to go for a movie on Saturday.
7th Nov, 2014: After the movie, we had a silly fight. I felt so irritated to agree with him; should I agree on everything? He wanted to cuddle me. I was not yet ready.
11th Nov, 2014: I agreed for me to be cuddled by him, for his sake. I am not yet ready. Is life and love going to be like this? Where am I going? Still It looks beautiful.
23rd Dec, 2014: Faisal and Farhaan (their closest friends) had their first sex. Runal is too keen. I know he loves me; I love him very much. I would like to marry him. But I am not yet ready for sex. Runal is better than the husbands who rape their stranger wives on the first night, but how long will he wait. Why am I not ready? Should I just give in? Probably No.
5th June, 2015: Four couples (best friends of both of them) went to Puri for a trip. The guide explained in great details about the sexual poses carved on the pillars. At night, Runal and I went to our room. Both were excited. We started Kissing, which led to Cuddling. I was enjoying till then, but was apprehensive about moving ahead. He gently asked me. I wanted to say No, hope he understands it from my silence. No, he went ahead. I gave in. Everything got over after some time. He slept. Tears dried from my eyes even before I started crying.
6th June: The last time, I met Runal. I will never meet him again. He was ready to marry me. He was not a cheat. But I didn’t want to meet him. I migrated to a different world.
I still wish a happy life for my son Runal. Hopefully he is more sensitive now. Don’t think I have just two children, but many more (DNA analysis won’t help you to assert my claim of motherhood). I am happy he (I won’t reveal his name) accepts my claim on him too. I am not the mother of Saas Bahu serials who fight with their daughter-in-law; I am not the pativrata nari of Indian Culture; I have neither husband nor daughter-in-laws. I am a woman who has dreams, dreams affected by the dreams of my children. I don’t have the full freedom; am I oppressed? Are feminist activists ready to fight for me? I don’t bother.
My time is almost up. I haven’t said anything much.
Yesterday he came to me. He came with an ice-cream for me. For the first time, he was showing motherly care to me. He shared with me his thoughts. He told me his dearest friend was in need of a kidney and mine could match (I don’t know when he checked). I was hale, hearty and healthy. One kidney is enough for me. I could offer it. My face was pale. He took my silence as Yes. He kissed me. I never know about this extreme love for his friend.
Why was I silent? Is Silence better than Speaking? Why am I angry after this ordeal? One kidney is enough to survive? How so many survives with one? Why … Why…..I am pale and emotionless? Doctors have given me a fitness certificate. Am I going in my daughter’s way? Renu could disappear like that, but I can’t. She was a girl, I am a mother. I am still hopeful of him. He may kiss me, care for me and cuddle me. I don’t want the kiss of Judas. He was not Judas. Why I think so?
Time for me is over.
Pruthvi, the girl and the expressive story teller, went to the impersonal mode.